Last month was Matariki, the Māori New Year. The National Library wrote that:
Matariki is a time to reflect on the past and those who have passed on, to celebrate the present with kai [food] and time with our whānau [family] and communities, and to look ahead and plan for the future.
I like this definition of Matariki because it honours so many aspects of our day-to-day lives. It’s also the first definition that mentions reflecting on those who have passed on.
It’s been a year since Martin passed away. While I haven’t quite written a whole book about the year as Joan Didion did in The Year of Magical Thinking, I have written a few essays on different aspects of our grieving and remembrance process.
Closing a Chapter is where I wrote about birth (Jaime’s) and death (Martin’s). I still tear up when I read this.
Grieving for Two makes the connection between eating for two during pregnancy and breastfeeding to going through the morning process.
In Can you see the Thestrals I wrote about my reflection on other people’s reaction to the news of death.
Memento is about a length of wood retrieved from Martin’s house as a token to remind ourselves of when Jaime grew up in that house. Similarly, in Keeping Memories I also wrote about objects that carry memories.
Sometimes we try to make connections, like what I did in Making Meaning where I connected a Minecraft YouTuber, Martin and pigs.
I planted a few fruit trees when I was living at Martin’s place before we separated. While getting his house ready for sale after he passed away I decided to transplant one of those to my place in The Tree Hi-jacker.
In Going Airplane Mode I wrote about the importance of being selfish and putting yourself and loved ones first before others.
It’s been a year.
In a weird twist of time it feels like it was just awhile ago that we were spending time with Martin… but it also feels so far away.
A year on, I reflect on Martin’s constant presence after he passed away, I celebrate my relationship with our gorgeous daughter Jaime. I celebrate my present life with the food that I enjoy creating and sharing with her and my friends (and also Jaime’s friends); and plan the future.
Thinking of you and Jaime at this very poignant time Laila xx
Such a beautiful definition of Matariki ... this is how I want to start my year (maybe even day)